A. DEPUTY STACKHOUSE AND THE WEREPANTHERS
The concept of Jason becoming a police officer was rather ridiculous from outset, even for this show. It made for some funny scenes (Jason’s attempt to pull Crystal over, and his pants-less police exam dream come to mind) but really, we could have done without two full minutes of Jason stringing together paperclips and eating ink, or terrorising the residents of Bon Temps with his game of Cops and Robbers. After making such progress with Jason’s character in season 2, it seemed the writers were determined to throw all of that down the gurgler and make Jason as dumb as dirt, once again. Note to writers: after three seasons, Jason’s dumb-ass routine is only funny in small, well-spaced doses.
B. ARLENE’S DEMON BABY
I don’t care what Arlene has in her belly. I hope it’s the devil himself – she deserves it for telling lies to Terry over and over again, and I will hate her for this forever.
C. FINDING JESUS
In a painful parallel to the “What is Sookie?” plot, hints were being dropped all over the place about the true nature of Lafayette’s new love interest over the course of season 3. Most of us here had identified Jesus as a probable witch before the season even started, and after seeing him in just a few episodes were convinced we had him nailed. Watching the writers drag this out for weeks on end as we waited for confirmation of the obvious was boring and anti-climactic.
D. YOU CAN’T PICK YOUR FAMILY
Looking at this story arc with the season behind us I don’t think it was half bad, and I was initially hesitant to include it in this poll. I don’t mind dark Sam, and the fact that his real “parents” turned out to be such bottom-feeders was clearly the straw that finally broke the back of everyone’s favourite doormat. The destination wasn’t really the problem with this storyline – it was the tedium we had to sit through to get there that made it so unpalatable. Like the maenad in minature, the idea had promise – but they didn’t know when to say “enough”. This sub-plot made the cut for its agonisingly slow start and its inability to really get firing. We sat through far too many episodes just waiting for something…ANYTHING…to happen. By the time we got to Sam finding his dark side in the bottom of a JD bottle and Tommy pitching his tent in Bon Temps (which I’m assuming was the point of the whole thing), the Mickens’ had totally worn out their welcome.
Oh, and Joe Lee’s disgusting, mangy jocks were simply stomach-churning. Don’t ever put that nasty shit on my TV again, Alan Ball.
F. “HOW FUCKIN’ LAME!”
Probably the most over-hyped plot point of the season, “What is Sookie?” was so ridiculously drawn out, I began to wonder whether Ball really would make her a fairy at all. Along with Bill’s motives for returning to Bon Temps, Sookie’s ancestry was the worst-kept secret in this fandom. By the time the show got around to actually spilling the beans, I was shocked only that they still expected anyone to be shocked at all.
Or maybe that was the point of Sookie pronouncing it “fucking lame” – irony and all that. I don’t know. I don’t care.
G. YESTERDAY’S HERO
Since nothing actually happened, Jason/Kitch doesn’t technically qualify as a subplot – which is precisely why they make the most annoying list. It’s bad enough when scriptwriters attempt to distract us from the interesting storylines with shiny filler, but it’s even worse when they do it to tell us something that we already know. We know Jason is being forced to grow up, and he is trying to reconcile the his life-long image of himself with a new Jason who is searching for meaning in all the wrong places. We have known this since the Amy Burley storyline of season 1. Why are they still wasting valuable screen time with this inane crap? YOUR POINT IS MADE. Get Jason doing something useful and/or meaningful (hell, I will settle for vaguely interesting at this point) and MOVE ON, PLEASE.