As anyone who has seen my posts on Sookieverse knows, I’ve been one of the prime haters of True Blood Bill since the end of Season 1. Sick of my own constant mewling about how terrible the character is, I found a wholesome and creative outlet for my frustrations when last summer a fellow SVM fan pointed me to Etsy.com and “Psycho7772’s” handmade felt doll, Voodoo Bill. “Dislike Beel’s constant emo whining? Stick him with pins,” urged Voodoo Bill’s creator. That idea was so tempting that I immediately sent for my very own Voodoo Bill.
Once I had him in my hands, I had a stroke of “genius,” something Alan Ball would so relate to. How better to pay homage to Lafayette and Jesus’s Season 3 voodoo-doll dream than to reinterpret some of the best of True Blood, just as AB has re-envisioned the Southern Vampire Mysteries?
Initially, I’m sorry to say, I let the power go to my head. I vented some pent-up feelings of revenge, first, by dunking Voodoo Bill into an antique stoneware pickle pot, as befitting his nineteenth-century origins.
Then in reimagining Bill’s kidnapping on horseback by Russell Edgington in Season 3, I’m afraid I allowed Bill imprudent access to a team of wagon horses.
Understandably, Bill needed some recovery time after this unfortunate accident, so I let NonVoodoo Sookie give him some TLC . Cozy, huh?
This turned out to be a mistake, since not long afterward, I found Voodoo Bill having a little fling with Tara, which, needless to say, I put a stop to as soon as I discovered it. BonTemps is a small town, my friend! Gossip travels fast.
From this friskiness, it was clear Voodoo Bill had recovered completely. I couldn’t put it off any longer: he had to meet Eric. Bill decided to challenge Eric to hand-to-hand combat, which didn’t go as well as he hoped.
Bill nursed his bruised feelings with Alcide, but I didn’t get the feeling there was a lot of love on either side. Alcide didn’t even meet Bill in his human form, and for some strange reason he brought a frisbee—perhaps to demonstrate his superior athletic ability.
Life with Voodoo Bill had been tumultuous to this point, but no homage could be complete without a reinterpretation of the famous Season 3 shower scene.
I’m not sure how successful it was, though. I think the shower cap may have ruined the sexy vibe.
By this time, the holidays had rolled around. Bill wanted a festive season, so he helped prepare the Thanksgiving meal…
…and trim the tree at the DH87 house. What a trouper!
Eventually, although he’d done his best, Voodoo Bill realized he couldn’t take the place of either True Blood Bill or the Bill Compton of the Southern Vampire Mysteries. A felt tear leaking out of his button eye, he did the only thing a southern gentleman could do: he surrendered gracefully.Swan’s Knight, was published in 2011 by Llumina Press, and on Facebook. Her second novel, Patina, will be published late in 2012.