Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My War

August 24, 2011 in 4.09 Let's Get Out of Here, Episodes, Recaps, True Blood

In this week’s episode of True Blood, we learn that relapse makes the heart grow fonder, school bunnies are sensitive about their weight, keeping the peace takes a lot of guts, and saying goodbye is a bitch when you’re giving up the ghost…

Sink your teeth into some spoilery commentary after the jump…

This week’s episode single-handedly put the WHAT?! in WHAT THE FUCK? But before I tell you how I really feel, let’s take a look at what happened, shall we?

Sleepwalking on Sunshine

As is customary, events pick up where they left off, with Alcide hustling a half-dead Sookie to the safety of her house, only to be intercepted by Bill, who vampire speeds his ex the rest of the way back. After some bitching by Alcide and a pointless exchange about prayer, Bill finally succeeds in reviving Sookie with his blood, and another cheap cliffhanger is resolved.

Sookie awakens to find Bill and Alcide hovering over her on the couch, and she immediately notices Eric’s absence, insisting that they waste no time finding him. Alcide wants to know if he’s the only one present who thinks the whole thing is batshit crazy—to which I say NO, ALCIDE, YOU’RE NOT.

Alcide finds himself on the same page as the rest of us.

But I’ll get around to commenting on that soon enough.

In the meantime, I’m stuck facepalming my way through Sookie thanking Bill for the blood while their love theme surfaces like a bad memory in the background—only to be assaulted with the least sexy ménage à trois ever to grace the small screen.

Mind you, the dream had promising beginnings—Sookie wakes up to a knock on the door in red lingerie and hooker heels while surrounded by the warm glow of sunshine and Vaseline. It’s Eric, and he’s wearing leather and flashing heavage and ravishing her in the foyer before moving to the dining room table. You know, like one would expect from your average late-night Cinemax offering—all of which is about right.


And then Bill shows up. That’s when the talking starts… and my ladyboner is swiftly undermined by the flagrant abuse of all established canon unfolding before my eyes.

After a mindreading three-way and a cockfight over Sookie, she breaks up the boys to explain that she calls the shots in her dreams, and orders them to join her in the living room for more excruciating conversation. She carries on about swimming with dolphins and eating pies without consequences before going on some cutesy spiel about double standards, gender stereotypes, and moral restrictions—and I’d be all about it if she didn’t also feel it necessary to mention LOVE, which I think we can all agree has no place whatsoever in a filthy sex dream.

Especially not this one.

Anyway, Sookie tells Eric and Bill it’s all three of them or nothing, after which they both silently agree to share long enough to go in for a double bite—just in time for everyone to get back from the bathroom breaks that they were hopefully smart enough to take in an effort to spare themselves from this trainwreck of nonsense.

At least Anna Paquin gets extra points for looking totally hot. (Incidentally, red most definitely is Sookie’s color.) And if nothing else, I can now justify my use of the following GIF, which is almost enough to make this fuckery worthwhile.


*we can’t find who made this, but we think you are totally awesome.

Hungry Like the Wolf

In one of the few bright spots of this episode, Debbie is back home in Shreveport watching Cheaters with rapt attention and waiting for Alcide to return from his verboten escapade through Bon Temps. She feigns sleep when she hears him coming in the door, and he—obviously thinking he got away with something—strips down and slips into bed to try to snuggle with her.

While his effort is valiant, Debbie knows exactly where he’s been all night, and can smell Sookie’s stank all over her boyfriend. HER PRIVATE EYES ARE WATCHING YOU, ALCIDE.

So of course, the next day finds her diving headfirst off that wagon with a fresh vial of V—at which time she schools the local dealer on how not to be a cunt while explaining what a hardcore bitch she really is. Meanwhile, I’m getting tingly at the mere thought of what fresh scandal might be around the corner.

Debbie will cut you and talk dirty in your ear while she's doing it.

Unfortunately, True Blood is hellbent on disappointing me this week. Debbie shows up at Sookie’s all FLOWERS… PLUMBER… CANDYGRAM… only to actually cough up a mixed bouquet of daisies instead of eating her on the spot. And with that, any hope I had left for this episode is officially snuffed out.

In spite of all this, Crazy Debbie remains second only to Ginger in my heart. And couched within her conciliatory attitude toward Sookie, there’s obviously still a giant nutjob lurking—one whose sole aim in life is to make Alcide love her. She may be attempting to become besties with the competition—but it’s still an uncharacteristic decision that she quite clearly regrets by the end of the episode.

Next week, Debbie’s relapse better be balls to the wall. THAT IS ALL.

My Brother’s Grim Reaper

While Debbie has devoted herself to making nice with Sookie for Alcide’s sake, Alcide has tracked down Marcus at his place of business in an effort to climb the pack ladder and shore up his crumbling relationship with Debbie. Needless to say, this is also an uncharacteristic decision that he will later regret—because Marcus seizes the opportunity to commission him as muscle at Sam Merlotte’s scheduled beating that evening.

Seriously? Dangling a beer bottle between his legs? Could he BE any more alpha? You know he makes you all tingly, and then you're grossed out at yourself. ADMIT IT.

Alcide agrees to participate in the packmaster’s plan, despite his own misgivings and the fact that it’s a seriously bitch move on Marcus’ part. And to complicate matters further, Tommy—who had stopped by Merlotte’s to say goodbye to his brother—is already prepared to show up skinwalking as Sam, presumably in an effort to make up for all the trouble he caused.

And thus, he causes a whole lot more trouble. Because Tommy just can’t help himself, sweet, not-so-illiterate-anymore lamb that he is.

Meanwhile, Sam has convinced Luna to leave the drama behind to go camping with him, leading to an informative Goofus & Gallant-style exposition on the difference between nature bunnies and school bunnies. All of this rabbit talk, however, was clearly only a prelude to Luna—accompanied by her now trademark Pocahontas music—sneaking into Sam’s tent in the middle of the night to bang his brains out while his brother is beaten into a bloody pulp for shooting his mouth off at Marcus.

True Blood has a "Titanic" moment. Minus the fog.

Alcide waits WAY too long to put a stop to this beating, only really backing the rest of the werewolves down after they discover that it’s not Sam Merlotte they’ve been kicking the shit out of after all. Marcus wants the evidence destroyed, and Alcide scoops Tommy up to safety—which seems to be the only useful thing he’s capable of doing this season.

And here’s where I’ll say that I won’t be surprised if Tommy dies next week. His ticket was pretty much punched the moment he became a skinwalker—there’s no question that keeping a character with powers like that around would be tough to swing, given his obvious penchant for petty criminal activity. But count me on the team that would be sad to see him kick the bucket… especially since he’d be going out to the bang of his own brand of misguided heroism.

I am, however, looking forward to seeing Sam lose his shit when he finds out. And if we don’t get to see him shift into something other than a dog, pony, or rabbit this season as a consequence, I will be inconsolable.

Pants Off Stand Off

Speaking of people losing their shit, the hysteria is hitting fever pitch at the Bellefleur house, where Terry and Arlene have discovered that Mikey is missing. Jason and Andy are uniformed and ready to crack the case, when Jason gets a call and informs the family that the baby’s at Hoyt’s house, which elicits some rather strange grumbling about “big and wrong” platoon members from Terry.

Hoyt learns the hard way that wandering around your house without pants on may tempt worse fates than a house fire.

Andy excuses himself to throw back the V he spotted in the couch cushions under the premise of fetching a pair of pants, which he then predictably forgets to do—leaving Hoyt in his underwear with a broken-down, gunshot-sprayed door and Terry pinned to the ground and wondering why his cousin is so strong, all within minutes of their arrival on the scene.

Luckily, Arlene was smart enough to call Jesus while Andy was busy tweaking out, and he shows up from his nursing shift to defuse the situation. He confidently strides into Hoyt’s house to confront the unstable ghost lady who has snatched both Mikey and Lafayette’s body—because, in case you forgot, HE’S A BRRRUJO.

It’s just another day on the job, folks.

After some friendly conversation and pyrotechnics, the two finally discover that poor Mavis was indeed murdered by the father of her dead baby… and the subsequent gasps heard round the world are deafening, because this earth-shattering revelation was JUST THAT SHOCKING.

So it is that Mavis returns Mikey to his parents with a sincere MY BAD—to which Terry responds that Lafayette shouldn’t worry about it because, you know, these things happen. But the day’s not over, because they still have to perform the de rigueur digging up of remains that accompanies all formulaic ghost stories.

Eventually, they find the decades-old grave shared by both Mavis and her murdered newborn, whose remains they pass into her arms so that she can finally hold her son—and so she can pull a Patrick Swayze while singing her baby to heaven in a scene that played like the last five minutes of a Lifetime Movie Network Halloween special.

We continue this week's tribute to craptastic 90's Hollywood with a deleted scene from Ghost. He can feeeeeel you.

This shit could not even be saved by Lafayette’s sassy YOU GOT IT, BITCH. Because it was really that fucking awful.

And before anyone goes accusing me of being a soulless bitch, I should mention that I’m currently five months pregnant with my own first-born son. A fucking Olive Garden commercial could make me cry if they somehow managed to work a dead baby in with the unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. So it goes without saying that this storyline was an abject, clichéd failure on all accounts—and the responsible parties deserve to be mercilessly whipped with a pee-soaked swaddling blanket.

Monster Truck Dally

Perhaps the worst part of the show’s foray into Ghost Whisperer territory was that it rudely interrupted a storyline I can actually get behind—namely, Hoyt’s imminent descent into a rage-filled, alcoholic depression.

Before things went south, Hoyt was awakened by the crowing of his cell phone’s alarm—which almost got a “cock ring” joke out of me before I decided that it was just too easy. Upon finding Jessica’s Taylor Swift CD lying around, he makes it his morning’s mission to pack up all trace of her—including her Twilight books, trash magazines, and hair care products—into a surprisingly small box which he lovingly labels FOR YOU, MONSTER.

Way to be a big boy, Hoyt.

Unfortunately, however, we don’t get a chance to revisit aforementioned box until the whole hostage ordeal is over, and Jason has taken some time to fix the door that Andy Bellefleur unapologetically destroyed. When Jason finds the CD, Hoyt informs him that it, too, goes in the monster box—prompting Jason to call him out for being a whiny bitch over the whole breakup.

For all of Hoyt’s venom, however, it’s easy to see that he’s devastated over losing Jessica—which is why it’s hard not to cringe when he begs Jason to take her belongings back to her for him, despite Jason’s awkward protests.

So it is that Jason shows up on Bill’s doorstep looking especially foxy in a leather jacket and having been thoughtful enough to scratch out Hoyt’s personalized FUCK YOU in an effort to spare Jessica’s feelings. She knows better though, and after asking what else Hoyt might have said about her, she abandons the interrogation and decides to invite Jason inside.

He says it’s not a good idea… which of course means that they’ll just have to get their freak on outside in his truck bed instead.

True Blood Lessons - a little problem like perpertual virginity should never stop you from riding a fine piece of ass like a pornstar, if and when it serves the plot.

The only thing that would have made this scene more satisfying would be for the two of them to discover mid-coitus that Hoyt was hiding under a blanket in Jason’s cab the whole time. But there’s always next week…

Gore and Peace

Jessica’s other standout moment of the episode came courtesy of Nan, who was subjected to an hour of her crying about her shattered love life—and who reacted about exactly the way one would expect her to. And the only thing that would have made this scene more satisfying would have been if Pam were there to add her own colorful commentary… although I suspect that’s one more bitch than a single room could handle.

Not that it matters, seeing as how Pam is noticeably absent the entire episode, despite the fact that her maker’s already half-gone mind was hijacked by a coven of terrorist witches. GO FIGURE.

Anyway, Nan’s been waiting for Bill so that she can find out exactly what’s been going on before making herself at home until the next night’s event—which, of course, means she ends up chained onto a bed back in Bill’s fancy chandeliered basement jail. And as they settle in for the day, Bill explains that Eric is MIA and presumably under Antonia’s control, leaving Nan to sarcastically commend his decisive leadership and reminisce about the days when her biggest worry was Sophie-Anne’s little scratch-off ticket problem.


Things being what they are, Bill insists that the next night’s Festival of Tolerance be cancelled. But Nan refuses, and when he wants to know why, she begins to reply that “there are factions”—presumably to pique our interest over more vampire political vagaries.

But guess what? I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. The writers have made such a mockery of the state of undead politics on this show that I end up with a Pavlovian migraine every time the Authority or the AVL are even mentioned. As far as I’m concerned, the less said about it, the better—because whenever the writers attempt to fill in those blanks for me, I only end up confused and pissed off.

Luckily, Nan follows up with a reason that does make sense, which is that every major news crew and blogger is already camped out waiting for the event to start. So Bill can beef up security if he has to… but the show must go on. The whole dilemma is very Jaws, and I’m just waiting for Jessica to chime in with a timely WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT.

This is Eric Northman we’re talking about after all.

Speaking of which, Eric is being held hostage along with the amateur witches at Moon Goddess Emporium—only he’s considerably less whiny than the rest of the bunch, having been spelled into playing Zoolander to Antonia’s Mugatu.

When Debbie distracts Antonia long enough for Sookie to climb through the storeroom window, Sookie learns that Eric’s magic mission is to kill the King, only to be discovered by both Tara and Antonia.

Kill the King? Why Eric, that's the best idea you've had this season.

Having been given orders not to shoot on account of Sookie’s “usefulness,” Tara telepathically tells Sookie to charge her and head to the Dorchester Hotel if she wants to find Bill.

With Sookie having escaped, Antonia heads over to the hotel herself, bringing both Eric and loudmouth Roy with her—but not before spelling all the shop’s doors shut like Carrie and securing them with red hot knobs so that no one can leave.

Meanwhile, Nan and Bill are two of only a handful of vampires in attendance at the Festival of Tolerance—which happens to look vaguely like a high school prom. Bill asks what kind of vampire rights rally doesn’t have any vampires, and while he has a point, I am once again in awe of the stupidity—since, you know, he was the one who was worried about Antonia crashing the party in the first place. And in case you thought he might have learned his lesson the night before, it seems he once again brings a handful of sheriffs to act as security… whom Antonia swiftly gains control of with minimal effort.

Yet somehow, Bill is still surprised when Sookie calls out for him during his groanworthy speech from the public pulpit—and when his sheriffs disembowel the human swat team and toss them from the rafters into the understandably hysterical audience.

That Awkward Moment...when you realise you just made the same stupid mistake for the THIRD FREAKING TIME THIS SEASON.

In Summary…

In this week’s “Inside the Episode,” writer Brian Buckner explains of the Festival of Tolerance disaster: “We’re only in episode 9, so things still have to go worse.” And for me, this about sums up the phoning-it-in approach that’s being taken with the second half of what began as such an incredibly promising season.

There’s no nice way to say it: “Let’s Get Out Of Here” was a hot mess. In fact, I almost titled this recap “Let’s Change the Channel”—before considering the more blunt confession of “I’d Rather Be Watching Cheaters.”

Aside from Debbie’s meltdown (which frustratingly failed to materialize), Jason and Jessica’s romp in his truck bed (which only really interests me because Hoyt’s head will explode when he finds out), and a thrilling cameo by Joey Greco (whom I fully expect has taken up residence in Sookie’s closet), this episode was about as short on interest as it was on sense.

Two things it had in spades, however, were plot devices and manufactured drama. This week’s episode clumsily kicked the story forward with a whole host of baffling developments mired down by an equally unnecessary amount of pointless filler—giving the entire hour a tediously perfunctory feel.

And for the ninth installment—a traditional benchmark of the season when the story should be kicking into high gear—this is not a good sign.

Just to be clear, my problem with “Let’s Get Out Of Here” is not that it wasn’t an entertaining standalone episode—because by many accounts, it was. My problem is that, when viewed within the framework provided by the eight episodes that preceded it and in anticipation of the three episodes to follow, the horrendous ham-fisted writing jumps out at you like a school of dolphins in one of those stupid Magic Eye pictures.

Case in point: Sookie’s abominable sex dream. It’s bad enough that the sole narrative purpose for her near-fatal gunshot wound was, ostensibly, to re-establish an attraction to Bill through his timely blood donation. On top of that, the writers had to go and use the resulting fantasy as a vehicle for Sookie to proclaim her undying love for both Bill and Eric—which, frankly, doesn’t ring true in either direction.

So when she insists that she should be able to have both, I can’t even clap up her equal opportunity polyamorous tendencies… because I’m too busy scratching my head to bother. This may only be a dream, but the bottom line is still ridiculous.

Even in the books, Sookie knows better than to prematurely label what she acknowledges to feel like love as the real thing after a single hot week at the Sex Olympics with Eric Northman—because, you know, she has good sense. Furthermore, that a transgression as serious as Bill’s tacit participation in the Rattray attack could be overlooked with such nonchalance—when it was only the tediously drawn out CLIMAX of last season’s finale—speaks to the incredible ADD from which this writing team suffers.

At least, with respect to plot points that actually matter.

While major established history is all but ignored to conveniently move the plot ahead, Mavis’ throwaway storyline is seen to its complete (and completely schlocky) conclusion—this, in spite of the fact that the audience already learned the extent of Lafayette’s mediumistic powers from his visit to Mexico TWO EPISODES AGO.

So as it stands, the only additional purpose this little sideplot seems to have served was to buy the writers some time until they’re ready to throw Lafayette and Jesus into the supernatural war in which EVERYONE IN THE COVEN BUT THEM is embroiled. And also to make my eyes roll out of my head. But that’s neither here nor there.

Which brings me to the evening’s most egregious violations of organic storytelling: First, we have Tara spearheading a rebellion under the premise that “this isn’t what she signed up for”—when just last episode, she was all aboard the vampire genocide train and shooting off wooden bullets like her last name was Van Helsing. This week, however, she demands to know why Antonia didn’t accept Bill’s olive branch.

REALLY, TARA? Because I demand to know when you got an attitude transplant. Surely, there wasn’t much time for it between your romp in the graveyard and now.

But what’s worse is Eric’s spellbound revelation that Antonia’s diabolical master plan is to kill the vampire King of Louisiana at the upcoming Festival of Tolerance. You know, instead of spelling BILL to kill every man, woman, and child in sight except the jackass with the video camera. Or better yet, spelling Eric, Bill, or any vampire to kill a human politician that the American people actually give two shits about.

I’m sorry, but how is televised vampire-on-vampire violence supposed to send a shockwave of paralyzing fear through the American public? You’re talking about a country where Danny Bonaduce had his own reality show, and where a video of Snookie being decked by a grown man in a Jersey Shore bar went viral.

You’re also talking about people who love the show Cheaters enough to guarantee its syndication on late night programming until the universe collapses upon itself in anticipation of another big bang. (Not that I’m one of those people or anything. I’M JUST SAYING.)

Anyway, my point is that something tells me that some preachy vampire king’s public execution at the hands of that hot tax-paying vampire business owner on TV would be more titillating for the American public than the news that Tommy Hilfiger punched Axl Rose in the face at Rosario Dawson’s birthday party.

Ultimately, it doesn’t take an evil genius to assess that Antonia’s current plan does not constitute the straightest path to a “race war.” It does, however, serve as a transparently convenient plot device to keep Bill front and center, and to put Sookie in the nonsensical position of having to “choose” between two vampires whom the show is trying to convince me, unsuccessfully, that she COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY LOVES.

Honestly, HBO? I’d like my Sunday night back.

So now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest… what did you think of this episode? Sound off below!

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My War


    1. [Exit, Pursued By A Sloth] says:

      I had to laugh at Sookie’s line to Debbie “You tried to kill me. That’s not something I can just forget.” I just wanted to shake her and scream “LIKE YOU JUST FORGOT WITH BILL?! CAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL YOU, YOU KNOW. REPEATEDLY!” But knowing the writers, they’re probably just trying to foreshadow Bewitched!Eric trying to kill Sookie and thus causing her to reject him, or something. Cause Bill never does anything wrong, oh no.

      On the subject of Writers With ADD, I couldn’t help but notice that Bill was suspiciously unmaimed in the first scene, considering that when last we saw him he had just got silvered in the face with a cross, and choked with a silver chain. Yet he had no wounds on him at all.

      I’d like to think that meant something, and in a previous season I might have. But at this point it’s just obvious that the writers simply aren’t paying attention to their own show.

      And Rattray reveal? What is this Rattray reveal you speak of? I thought I heard a rumor about Bill allowing the Rattrays to beat Sookie near to death just so he could get his blood in her, but, I mean, that couldn’t have actually happened. Not with Sookie saying Bill is basically good, or considering him a viable romantic candidate. I mean, what kind of show would this be if they had their heroine romantically interested in her abuser? On Game of Thrones, Joffrey had his guards beat up Sansa, and nobody wants to see Joffrey and Sansa as a couple, Joffrey isn’t a viable candidate for Sansa’s affections.

      No, no Bill couldn’t have possibly been involved in Sookie’s beating. Silly us for even considering it.


      • Adele says:

        I have no idea WHAT you are talking about…I thought Bill took Sookie to a themepark in season one…oh wait, nope, that was the opening credits of Full House…which this is turning into.


        • ARK says:

          lol!!! Thanks for giving me a HUGE chuckle this morning Adele!

          Everywhere you look (everywhere)
          There’s a heart (there’s a heart)
          A hand to hold on to.
          Everywhere you look (everywhere)
          There’s a face of somebody who needs you.


      • dontsavethequeen says:

        Actually, it’s not a rumor. It’s the truth. didn’t you watch the season finale of season 3? It was all explained there. Bill hired the Rattrays to beat Sookie within an inch of her life so that he could feed her his blood on the very first night they met.


        • [Exit, Pursued By A Sloth] says:

          Nope. Not ringing a bell. I watched the season 3 finale, and I’m pretty sure it ended with Sookie and Bill singing the lovesong from Moulin Rouge.

          Clearly, it could not have happened the way you claim, not with the show and Sookie still considering Bill a viable romantic option? I mean, what show in these modern times would have a woman consider being romantically involved with the man she knows arranged/was complicit in her nearly-deadly beating just so her could drug her to make her more compliant to his sexual advances? What nonsensical twaddle.


          • IATM says:

            HAHA , yea in Sookie’s own dream in this epi. Billy declares that he loves Sookie 20 times Eric’s age of 1,000.. so Billy loves Sookie = 20,000 **roll eye’s**


            • VikingLover says:

              {I watched the season 3 finale, and I’m pretty sure it ended with Sookie and Bill singing the lovesong from Moulin Rouge. }



            • IATM says:

              it should have been the “Love Song” from 311 or the orginal from the Cure.. i mean Billy loves Sook 20,000 more then anyone else apperantly..


            • C.K. says:

              If Eric hadn’t shown up at Sookie’s in the finale we would have probably had to watch Bill and Sookie making out or more. It seemed like Sookie was going to take Bill back after he admitted to killing Eric. Sookie told Bill not to leave after he professed his love. Even when Eric did show up and revealed that Bill was procuring Sookie for QSA she still looked like she would forgive him.


          • Theresa says:

            that made me spit my big red out … thanks for the laugh


    2. Adele says:

      If I hear “I’m A BRRRUJO” one more time, I sware I be put off my next Mexican meal.

      Great recap, it was better than the actual episode…the more and more I think about this ep, the more annoyed I get. All the plot holes are filled with crap and there are little gems sprinkled around, which you have to crawl around for. Man, I just hope Eric gets his memories back quickly and Russell comes back to get things back to cool.

      thanks for the laugh, that gif of Bill and eric is hilarious!


    3. eviehelloellosweetheart says:

      “Kill the King? Why Eric, that’s the best idea you’ve had this season”.
      Amen to that.

      I laughed so much reading this I’ve spat coffee all over my desk.
      MASpencer is not amused and as usual has such an eloquent way of putting it.


    4. white.lily says:

      Thank you and now I can’t get Billy Ocean out of my head… :-)


    5. trarecar says:

      I was also disappointed at many things in this episode, the dream being the main one. I also wanted to see Debbie full on try to exact revenge on Sookie, though I guess that will have to wait.

      I am, however, looking forward to RE coming back next episode. Yay! Thanks again, MAS, for the great recap. You are an awesome writer. :)


    6. Zarwyn says:

      Well, I liked the dream. It didn’t make any sense at all, I agree, but I wish I could have dreams like that. It’s nicer if you play it without sound. The only thing missing in there was Alcide – then it would have made even less sense but been even better on the eye. Oh well.

      The only point I’ve found in the whole Mavis thing was that we had our first demonstration of the power of Jesus. He casts spirits out of mediums, it seems, which could be .. hmmm … useful elsewhere perhaps.


      • Accol says:

        I like your idea of playing it back with no sound. I kept thinking of a Duran Duran video, so maybe I’ll put on some tunes and rewatch. Hahhaha.


      • Malfunktions says:

        Ah, yes. Where else would the Brrrrruja’s powers work? By the time they get back to fighting this war-type thing thats going on Tara will already be plying for the other team (again*) and they wont know what the heck to do! If Jesus casts spirits out and La-La is a medium then whats stopping Antonia from playing a good ol’ game of monkey in the middle? Jesus being the monkey, naturally. She can be cast out of one re-enter then other, couldn’t she?

        hmmm…. i wonder….


      • Rre says:

        *agrees with your comment* I liked the dream as well, only because I didn’t take it seriously. I was all “What am I watching, nothing makes sense.” Whatever, just as long as I can laugh (for now) I won’t even bother questioning it. But after reading MASpencer’s recap, I’m starting to hate it as well.

        Lol, if Alcide were there I don’t know what I would have done.


    7. hann23 says:

      Oh my, so I dunno whether to be pleased or saddened that I felt the same way as you MASpencer about the stupid writing of the Kill Bill scenes, as directed by witchy Antonia. If only, AB truly emulated Quentin Tarrantino and we’d have a true Kill Bill moment from Sookie.

      Anyways, yeah, that was really really dumb writing for Antonia to not have Eric and the vampminions NOt kill all the innocent people in that room. What a missed moment!

      I can just envision the human entrails hangins from the T in Tolerance.


      • Lyta says:

        now made ​​me want to see the movie Kill Bill Volume I, where the bride kills all with a bloodbath gore, with members being cut and heads being torn off! I know what I will see on the weekend now, since I will have NO satisfaction in the episode this Sunday!


    8. Lyta says:

      i love it the recap! more fun than the episode was, bleh, you spot on in all points, the writers really think we’re stupid is not it? Tara was the most blatant, WTF! everyone has selective amnesia on this show? Bill to say that “the saved” and then she changed her mind? because for a while ago who was very well to practice genocide, and now it not was for this that she signed up? TB writers, frankly !
      to kill the queen? is a device that stupid to keep it front and center of history, that is pathetic!


    9. Kaat says:

      did anyone else notice the resemblance between the storyline with Lafayette and Mavis remind anyone else of the new sookie shortstory “If I Had A Hammer”?


      • LKC says:

        yes I was thinking the same thing and wondering if AB had a copy early!

        Great recap MAS and ( congrats on the imminent new arrival! Boys are great!) Thanks for making me laugh, in a good way. I loved your line ” keeping the peace takes a lot of guts” Spit my coffee out!


    10. MissAubrey says:

      Bwahahaha!!! That three-way gif!!! Thanks for that, made my night :D


    11. Kaat says:

      sorry for the bad sentence, wasn’t paying much attention when writing :)


    12. TeamEric says:

      So, I FINALLY got my husband to watch an episode of True Blood with me and guess what, a fucking ghost comes out of Lala’s mouth! my husband lost some of his respect for me after seeing that stupidity! Anna Paquin, last season, had a KILLER body, great abs, a female actress who actually looked like a person. but in this episode she looked too thin for her frame, and was left looking like her head was 10x too big for her body, kinda like a toddler or a lollipop.

      and bill… oh bill… seriously, when did the writers forget all that he has done?

      Where was Pam? oh ya, that’s right, the authors decided to write a piece of crap episode and realized that Pam is too awesome to be let in.

      the only part I liked was that Sookie drempt about non AE. Shows that she has feelings for all of Eric, not just the part of him that is there under the 1000 years of nonlife.

      ok, that’s it for me.


      • C.K. says:

        Is Pam even on the show anymore **sarcasm**? She wasn’t in this episode and was in one scene last episode. At the beginning of the season I was excited that Pam was getting her own sotryline. Instead, they butchered her book storyline and had her accidently rat out her maker (It seems that even KBVS was struggling to make sense of this)so that Bill could walk in on Eric/Sookie. Pam would die for Eric. Also, Sookie got shot in the cemetery so that Bill could give her more blood (During the book witch battle scene Eric saved Sookie’s life). QSA had to die so that Bill could become king and Eric has to take orders from him. It’s not even Bill’s character that bothers me as much as it seems his misdeeds are forgotten or minimized.

        There better be a damn good Eric/Pam reunion scene or I will be p’od.


    13. Viking love says:

      I’m not sure how Alan Ball made this season so crap.. it had everything going for it, Sookie and Eric getting it on, Bill suffering in his jocks and the return of Russell Edgington for season 5…
      At this point, I almost don’t care to find out what happens..
      Last season was sooooo good.
      Why Alan, why????
      My god, the last 3 episodes had better be a vast improvement or else I am going to have to start re-watching the early episodes again for my TB fix.
      There’s only so much disappointment one woman can take.
      Thank god for Sunday Skars.


    14. Viking Dame says:

      Thanks for the recap MAS. It was a helluva lot more interesting than the actual episode. :-)

      Here’s hoping the Holy Trinity of Writers coming up for these last three episodes can stick the landing.


    15. jason and amy says:

      the only thing that would save this season is Jason turning into a were panther

      *true story


      • Accol says:

        Mr. Accol said the same thing to me before we watched 4.09. I tend to think that TB is going to handle Jason a lot differently than SVM. I think he’ll have the essential Fae spark on TB, unlike in SVM, and that will mix strangely with the whole Were thing. I caught some flak for posting about this on my Tumblr from someone who wished the humans would stay human on TB. Too many supes. I can see that person’s point, but I argue that Jason has never been fully human. Even Jessica pointed it out a few eps ago when they were laying under the full moon.


        • Diviner says:

          I really think that Big Mamma Kitty will be back, and there will be some consequence from the Hotshot crap shoot. There’s something coming with Jason. They just haven’t shown it too us yet. ITA, Sookie and Jason have never been totally human. I just think people have been lulled into a false sense of “I know who it what”. Heck, Maxine wasn’t even sure there was anything wrong with Beulah Carter until she caught fire.


    16. Tara says:

      I actually really liked the dream, a lot. It had so much meaning behind it even though there really wasn’t any sexy time.

      A frequent poster on the HBO TB forums made an amazing post about the analysis of the dream. You will not regret reading this. Her name is Silver hater and the first part of the post starts at 1:35pm Aug 23, 2011 (just scroll down the page a bit)It’s a really a big insight as to how Sookie views Bill and Eric. She points out how Eric was invited in but how Bill just shows up unexpectedly. She explains the meaning behind the colors, the positions people are sitting in, their words, actions etc.

      Read it here.

      Sorry the link is so long, they seem to be that way on the HBO website.

      I look forward to your posts every week MASPENCER. They’re the best ones I read, and the funniest. Thank you! :-)


      • SVB says:

        I fixed the link up for you Tara.

        An upfront confession, I am very firmly rooting for a tall blonde Viking to be the last man standing when all of this is over. I will make no apologies for that and I expect it will colour my posts!

        Man, I love it when people rip me off. That’s copied straight off my About page.

        I really need to get over to the HBO boards more…I used to post there alot.


        • VikingLover says:

          I may be in the minority but I do not feel that Eric had an “advantage” or that it was more flattering to Eric than Bill. To me, despite how Sookie views each one independently, she took control of the dream, placed them on equal footing, and chose them both equally. She made it clear that she was choosing them both. Don’t even get me started on the fact that she also let Bill drink from her in the dream. *facepalm*


          • Diviner says:

            I think it only seemed like they were on equal footing. Take a look at how the both entered the house. One knocked and was invited in, one just showed up and barged in. One tried real hard not to smirk and listen, while the other couldn’t roll his eyes in his shifty manner any faster (well faster then normal)and give pissy. I think her subconscious mind was speaking volumes.


            • VikingLover says:

              No, I definitely understand all of that. However, my point was that at the end of the day, she took control, and despite their differences, she chose them both. And I think that makes it worse considering that she does view them, and their treatment & reactions to her, so differently.


            • Accol says:

              I’m with you, Diviner. I think Sookie’s love for Bill was momentarily rekindled because of the dose of his blood she just took. We’ve seen Bill’s machinations for several seasons now — I personally find it to be fascinating TV — so I think it’s fair to assert that Bill has been waiting for another moment to present itself to get his blood into Sookie. (Speaking of which, how did that happen? She wasn’t drinking because she was almost dead, and then she woke up to Bill blotting off her chin. Whatever, TB writers. Whatever.)

              I would like to see TB spend some time on Sookie questioning the effects of blood doses and blood bonds during S5. The angst and (needed) self-awareness that would bring to Sookie’s character would be great to watch. I think it would resolve some of the annoyance that we all feel about Sookie’s obliviousness.


            • VikingLover says:

              Yeah but the problem is that the blood is not supposed to create love just attraction and/or sexual dreams – at least from what has been said by the characters thus far and what we have seen (Eric/Laf, Bill/Sam). If the dream had been just about sex then it might have made a little more sense but Sookie was throwing the word love around like it was on sale – for both Eric and Bill.


            • IATM says:

              Eric has given his blood to a few folks on TB.. Laffy in s2 & Sookie in s2, Hadley in s3 right after biting her.. so shouldnt Hadley & Eric be “One”?? Billy gave his blood to Sammy & Sookie..


            • VikingLover says:

              Exactly and we know that Laf is definitely not in love with Eric and Sam is definitely not in love with Bill.


            • IATM says:

              Excatly Vikinglover, :-)

              besides, Sookie being in love with Eric / or AE & Regular Eric was the one in her dream this epi & not AE.. she questions the Vamps morality on her 3some cock off because it’s sexist that a women wants 2 men that she is in love with.. & frankly up to this point “V” doesnt make you fall in love it simply gives you dreams & attraction.. Eric isnt in love with Hadley no more then he is in love with Laffy & (Hadley & Eric actually exchanged blood in s3 at QSA’s house since he bit her & then gave her his blood right after).. nor is Sam in love with Billy .. but Billy is 20,000 much more in love with Sookie in this dream then anyone else.. & yet Lorena in Sooks past dream in s2 said Sook abandoned Billy..

              Gosh i think not in s4.. so what was the point?? simply for a silly love traingle that goes no where for a few more seasons IMO.. & i really dont find Sookie dream in s4 cute… & i’m not man bashing nor am i a sexist female.. but i think the dream was selfish more than empowering for female rights.. the dialouge alone wasent anything empowering IMO..


            • Accol says:

              All of what you say makes sense, but I’d also point one thing. Sookie’s dreams of Eric have never been purely sexual. They’ve always been emotional too. Think of 2.09 and 2.10. I think the TB writers need to focus on their consistency, yes, but perhaps there is something of a two-way street with the blood. If the donating Vampire is attracted to the recipient the effect differs from the converse situation.

              I don’t know. I’m just trying to make a good argument for E/S and for Bill to be kicked to the curb in a romantic sense. :)


            • IATM says:

              @ Accol, Totaly agree,

              the thing is though is that Sookie doesnt view Billy as “Bad”/ or the “Mendacious Mr. Compton”.. so his blood is not looked at as bad to her..

              i mean i’m lost for words or thoughts based on how Sookie is portrayed on TB.. what is your thoughts?? i mean if “V” is so bad & Sookie has lost all credability to me as a veiwer where do we go from here in the last 3 epis of s4 & future seasons?? Sookie doesnt see Billy as “The Mendacious Mr. Compton”.. Sookie doesnt see Billy bad for her well being.. Sookie doesnt see anything clearly IMO.. & she questions the Vamps morality in a dream scene?? & if they dont agree they are sexist.. & Even Billy say’s in this dream “I’m King, & dont share anything”..


            • swedishfish says:

              could it be because Sookie wasn’t injured when Eric gave her blood? Both Hadley and Lafayette were injured. And Sookie made that comment in ep 8 before she drank Eric’s blood that she wasn’t.


            • swedishfish says:

              Plus, in the dream, when Eric asks her about Bill being there (can’t remember exactly), she says, “it’s not my fault, he gave me his blood.” And he gave it while she was injured, so maybe she really can’t help thinking she loves him. He planted the idea with his blood, and Sookie seems to know it in her dream, which may be a sign she knows she’s not in control of it. Really. That seems like it could be a good sign for the future. Possibly. Hopefully.

              Eric and Sookie became one, with her knowledge that she was taking his blood.


            • IATM says:

              in the hotel room Sookie used the very same excat excuse to Billy about Eric giving her his blood at Godrics nest.. & she continues to use that excuse even in s4 in epi 1-2.. when Sookie asked Eric ” if this was another dream” even though 1 year has pass..

              so to the Vamps Sookie uses the excuse of her affection & dreams “V” releated.. unless it was with Billy.. because she actually only accused Billy of manipulating her through blood in the s3 finale.. & in s4 that was all forgotton… with the fact that the Rattray’s beat her to a bloody pulp..

              so in s4 Sookie acknowledges Billy in her dream & she never stops loving him, & everyone can hear everyone.. both Vamps claim her as theirs & she wants to have a pow-wow conversation on sexism & how she declares them both as her’s & how nothing else is tolerated..


            • Rre says:

              Maybe Sookie wishes she could still be in love with Bill? I mean it is a dream after all. I don’t know if she really wants or is still in love with Bill, because hey the show doesn’t quite expounds on that P: but the blood is probably messing up with what is love and what is just blood talking.


            • Hootiecat1 says:


              Where are the intelligent writers? This episode was such total crap.

              Was it billy’s blood that caused that crapy dream scene? Why do I have this sick feeling that now that billy is a QUEEN of Louisiana his blood is going to be stronger than a 1000 year old Viking.

              God I hope AB won’t try to sell us that bridge.

              Great review MASpencer – Love your humor…but….I for one want to see you let all those pregnancy horror-mones rip at Alan Ball turning True Blood into the billy Compton show.

              This is my first episode not to visit HBO GO to re-watch or even shorts on YouTube – that’s pretty bad for a diehard fan of both the books, Alex and the show. At this quality of writing who would want a season 6?


            • Diviner says:

              Unfortunately, I think underlying feelings are coming into play. She has a much different emotional connection to these to individual. Unlike the relationship Lala had to Eric, or even Sam/Bill. I’m about to say something that might get me smacked with a sledge hammer. But how many of us in our youth and grandeur of our first love would forgive anything. Or new some yahoo who would??? She is also very new to the concept of love. It’s almost akin to what teenagers go through. At least her first relationship, which ended so badly (and they so often do). I think because of the dream she is throwing around “love” in a fairly loose manner, but it is a dream after all. But there is often truth to be held in dreams. In her subconscious she loves both of them, but in different ways. Bill is the man she loved, and Eric who she is falling in love with; and started to fall for in S2 in IWRU after the rooftop incident with Godric. I think that the TB writers have missed enormous opportunity to a huge less of cause and effect. Especially in regards to the “Mendacious” Mr. Compton. And they’re doing it all for the sake of creating a love triangle which exists only on person’s level—Bill’s.


            • C.K. says:

              I think the more that they try to push this Bill/Sookie/Eric love triangle the more it damages the Eric/Sookie relationship. In the books Sookie eventually gets to the point where she is no longer in love with Bill. She still cares about him. I know he is her first love and she will always have love for him but that doesn’t mean she has to be in love with him forever. I hope she reaches that point on the show. Sookie breaks up with Bill in the books and closes the door on a reunion.


            • Zarwyn says:

              I think the blood had A LOT to do with it. Even Sam was having dreams about Bill after drinking his blood. But, even with Bill’s blood, she wasn’t giving up Eric and I think that’s actually a hopeful thing.

              Still I can’t help feeling that Sookie isn’t any more ready for a serious monogamous relationship than Jessica. Bill was the first man she was ever with, and she couldn’t even bring herself to get close to Eric until he’d lost his memory and was rendered pretty “safe” – as in later, when he gets his memory back, she is always free to pull back from the relationship and we know she will. That might be more of what her subconscious was trying to express in that dream sequence. She needs to grow up more emotionally before she can make a proper decision.


            • VikingLover says:

              {I think the blood had A LOT to do with it. Even Sam was having dreams about Bill after drinking his blood. }

              Yes, I definitely agree that it was the blood. However, I don’t think it was the blood that caused Sookie to say she’s “completely and totally in love” with Bill. And after everything that Bill has done, I find it unhealthy that Sookie would still be in love with him and/or that the writers would use this ploy to keep him in the game.


            • C.K. says:

              I agree VikingLover. It bothered me that she said she was “Totally and completely in love with them.” I get that Sookie still loves Bill but to be totally in love with him after everything he has done to her. She still has long way to go with Eric too. It was a dream though. However, I am worried about that spoiler picture of Bill/Sookie(holding each other). and am not looking forward to that scene at all. Sookie just needs to be single for awhile. I am hoping next season skips ahead a few months. Sookie never got a time jump like I wanted her to have.


      • C.K. says:

        The dream didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I found some parts of it annoying and others a little funny. I don’t mind her talking about double standards.


    17. hann23 says:

      Does anyone know if ab uses a writers on. Most of my past and present favorite shows have times when all the writers sit down and hash out the plot points.


      • krtmd says:

        The Nest actually has a link to a good interview with AB that talks alot about the writing process on TB. Although, they also claim to have a TB bible, which I find hard to believe. More like a constitution, with LOTS of amendments.


    18. krtmd says:

      Amen Sister!

      And congrats on the baby. :-D


    19. AlcideGirl says:

      You nailed it once again MAS.

      Even my husband, who is just a casual viewer and has not read the books, turned to me after the ep was over and said “wow, that episode sucked. What the fuck just happened?”.

      PS: congrats on the baby MAS!!


    20. Skarlove says:

      I was LMAO at “candy gram”….only for my chortling to grow exponentially at the mention of MY favorite Highlights characters – Goofus & Gallant!!! HAHAHA. Thank you for that, MAS. Made my morning.

      Let’s see….what else can Alcide scoop since he’s got the moves down. My dirty kitty litter? If he does it shirtless and doesn’t speak, I’m down with that. He could leave construction for a promising Jai Alai career? ;-)

      That dream. Ugh. you’re right – other than the hot kiss in the beginning and Sookie’s hot bod I HATED IT. I am so over Bill as a potential suitor that she still feels anything remotely CLOSE to love for. I’m still mad days later that the “L’ word was brought up in regards to that prick. If they needed an L, I would have gone for “loathe”

      I’m angry that HBO assumes I have the same miniscule short-term memory that AB expects from the supposed “popcorn-for-smart-people” fans. He’s too busy pandering to the other side of a twisted triangle, bending over backwards to please the folks who take their popcorn critical-thinking-free!

      AB needs to figure out who his intended demographic is, stat, and stop trying to please everyone else. He’s running out of time to tell the story. What Ratt reveal INDEED. I could never harbour any hidden pockets of love for someone eho almost killed me. TWICE. Never. The fact that Bill was in the dream makes sense. She just got another injection of the Koolaid that wipes out all traces of domestic violence! The notion that she can still love that schmuck after everything he’s done to her is diabolically INANE. Especially since she made it clear that she was calling the shots there. She was speaking the truth, and that’s why I can’t stand it.

      Sigh. Rant over. :) On Mavis…..I am glad that this S/L is over, but I kinda liked it. I mentioned this in the ep thread on the forum, but I believe the grand point of Mavis was to contrast her sincere need (borne out of nothing but love and loss) to return and put unfinished business to rest with Antonia’s obviously vengeful plan for total annhilation. Two displaced spirits – two distinctly differing motives. This show is always beating us over the head with compare/contrasts, so I think in that vein I’m happy with it. Plus I believe Laffy is now ready to run with the big dogs.

      Lastly, but perhaps most important……Congratulations MAS!!! Sending a HUMONGOMINOUS hug your way and I wish you and your growing family all the best. That’s truly amazing.


      • VikingLover says:

        {Skarlove Wrote: She just got another injection of the Koolaid that wipes out all traces of domestic violence! The notion that she can still love that schmuck after everything he’s done to her is diabolically INANE. Especially since she made it clear that she was calling the shots there. She was speaking the truth, and that’s why I can’t stand it.}



    21. Skarlove says:

      Oh, and one more thing ….did anyone else think the Tolerance Rally / Eric being compelled to kill the King /cameras /speechifyin’, etc….was totally a nod to the Manchurian Candidate? I thought it was a pretty cool homage myself. Except Eric is way hotter than Raymond Shaw, and I think Angela Lansbury may have made a scarier Antonia too, lolol.


      • krtmd says:

        Yes, I did see the Manchurian Candidate nod. Also, The Dead Zone as well. I was surprised MAS would pass up the opportunity to work in another Chris Walken reference.


    22. tlfin1 says:

      Your reviews are awesome. I’m always ready to yell after these recent episodes, and people are writing things like they cried when Mavis held her baby. Umm what. These writers need to watch an episode of Bones, because no remains are going to be that intact.

      This episode had cringe worthy moments for the whole hour. In fact, I had to get under the covers to watch it. And if I have to hear, “I’m the Kang of Looosiana!” one more time! I’m ready to rip out Bill’s throat myself. And they even threw in that part about him loving her 20Xs as much. Really? Make it 25Xs more and she’d be dead right about now. She’s already been in a coma like 3 times. lol.

      How can she be totally and completely in love with two people? Does that even make sense? It’s like saying almost always never or something. Pick one and stick with it.

      The only thing I like about her dream is Eric and Sookie’s wtf expression when Bill first pops up. I almost thought it was another book nod, but it was another book slap to the face.

      Does anyone else wonder if Jessica had to have that convo with Jason about being a virgin? Wouldn’t know, because they skipped to the end.

      I don’t know what the writers are trying to do at the end of this season, but at least we have your reviews to make us laugh. Keep up the good work!


    23. The only bright light to the hot mess that was the threesome dream of Sookie’s is that Eric was in BAMF costume with a leather jacket and wifebeater – bring on the heavage. It would have been amusing for a quick second if he’d shown up in ugly f’plaid S4 attire, before I lost my shit at the significance.

      Kudos MAS on fitting a gif from my favorite SNL skit into the recap.

      Loved your recap MAS…the episode, not so much.


    24. Jelly says:

      Awesome recap, more than makes up for what I thought was a rubbish episode.


    25. Katee says:

      MAS you articulated perfectly everything that I thought was wrong with this episode. On its own, it was entertaining. But every single freaking story line ended up snarled in a giant rat’s nest and I now she no satisfying way to unsnarl this mess. Nothing made any sense at all in context of the eight proceeding episodes. I literally sat there the entire time going, WTF?!?

      And I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought the dream was a complete disaster. That was just crazy. Completely and totally in love? How is that possible with either of them? Just a cheap BS device to move along a triangle that becomes more and more obtuse. One thing about it that I haven’t seen commented on too much is how sad Sookie looked when she woke up. I think the conscious and the subconscious aren’t on the same page. Either that or she is becoming more aware of the effect the blood has on her. But what will be the point of that lesson if she ends up with either vamp at the end of the season? It is all just such a mess.


      • VikingLover says:

        {Just a cheap BS device to move along a triangle that becomes more and more obtuse. }

        Especially since we’ve been told repeatedly that the blood causes attraction NOT love. Otherwise Laf would be in love with Eric and Sam would be in love with Bill. So clearly, to me, the blood can’t be blamed for her feelings of love for Bill. Of course the writers could just be disregarding their own mythology yet again. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time – I still scratch my head at the effects of silver on this show. That’s why I can’t be convinced that this was *just* a dream. And if it was *just* a dream used for comedic purposes, then I think that might be worse since it shows the writers don’t give a shit about what the dream is implying.


        • Katee says:

          I agree that the dream being used solely for comedic purposes would be even worse. That to me would be like the writers saying “we don’t give a flying fuck about Sookie, her inner turmoil or her growth as a character. She’s just a clown we have dance for your amusement!”

          And under any circumstances, having her say that she is completely and totally in love with either vampire, blood or no (cause like you said, how come Laffy didn’t fall for Eric or Sam for Bill) just inappropriate. Too soon for Eric and too insane for Bill.

          And even if this season ends with the biggest of all the Bill bombs (gran’s murder) we will all have to wonder if Sookie will just find another way to justify it. Because, at this point, she honestly just seems that weak.


          • Mungo says:

            @ Katee…..Bill bomb? Gran’s murder? wouldn’t it just be wonderful if Rene didn’t do it … (sorry Gran…)?


            • Katee says:

              Well….we’ve seen that Bill has the ability to plant memories in peoples head with glamour… a couple times actually. Limo driver in S2, Olivia in S3…

              Anything is possibly with a handy little talent like that. ;)


    26. Fuzzy Peaches says:

      Zoolander … Mugatu … LOLing uncontrollably. I had the same thought. I’d love to see Eric get the assassin spa treatment. It would perk things up. I agree with the dream ananlysis. Sookie dissappoints me if that is the stuff of her WILDEST DREAMS.
      And congrats on your baby, MASpencer! May your first-born be a witty, clever and sarcastic child, because we expect nothing less than the best.


    27. VikingLover says:

      Bravo, MAS! Freaking brilliant! Excellent recap/review! You articulated EVERYTHING I was feeling & thinking about this episode. *muah!*

      PS Rachel is an *excellent* name for a girl. Just sayin’. :lol:

      Oh wait, duh, you’re having a boy! lololol Disregard my silliness!


    28. AlcideGirl says:

      Also, Jason in that jacket leaning against the door, oozing charm…consider my ovaries exploded.


    29. IATM says:

      LOL, & awsome recap .. i laughed so hard & i agree that epi 9 wasent beleiveable to me at all regarding Sookie’s love life.. or what Sookie just cant forget about vs. what she chooses to forget about..


    30. TrueVampLove says:

      Off with bill’s his head. That will be the best thing AB has ever done throughout the show, perhaps he should call the writer from GOT to help him.


    31. djones says:

      Someone else said what I think already. The ep was crap but the recaps actually made them tolarable to revisit. :) That GIF about the threesome? Priceless!

      Me and some friends are gonna re-watch the season and do a BRRRUJO drinking game, Jesus says it so freakin much.


    32. Jenerica says:

      I couldn’t quite put into words why I hated this episode so much…but you nailed it. Bravo MAS!


    33. djones says:

      I forgot to add, didn’t Alan Ball say in an interview that he doesn’t watch previous season’s? To me, that explains a lot of the problems with the continuity of the show. Also, I think Alan Ball has a thing for Steven Moyer. The way they treat his character makes no sense with book lore or even for the sake of being original. :-/


    34. Isis says:

      LOL what a hilarious recap MAS, it was way better than the episode itself :D

      The B/E threeway gif is priceless!

      Ps. congrats on your pregnancy :)


    35. A-Pos says:

      I usually re watch episodes but not this week. What a waste of film. Way too much of sanctimonious Beel. Debbie’s weird behavior,WTF? Alcide was pretty much a barnacle. Was AS’s week off? We barely saw him. I would rename this episode “Gutless” and use the song “Gutless” by Hole. The lyrics seem apropos.

      All my friends are embryionic
      All my friends are dead and gone
      All my friends are microscopic
      All my friends wake up alone

      Girl germs eat your little virus
      Revolution come and die
      We lead us to eat the virus
      Sleep with me, wake up alive

      You’re gutless
      You’re gutless
      You’re gutless

      You can try to suck me dry
      But there’s nothing left to suck
      Just you try to hold me down
      Come on, try to shut me up

      Step and fetch, grease my hips
      I don’t even have to pause
      I don’t really miss God
      But I sure miss Santa Clause

      You’re gutless
      You’re undressed


    36. Diviner says:

      Every week, freaking spot on. You made my morning. I’m just glad I’d just taken a winky before embarking on this weekly journey of yours. I felt the need to link you in an email just now to help a newcomer to the world of TB not feel as though she is losing her mind. You are brilliant as always.


    37. SkarredHeart says:

      Great recap! Pee-soaked swaddling blanket! Zoolander! I seriously think I would have given up on this show long ago were it not for your recaps. Screw Sunday – Its recap day that makes my week!

      The “three-some”. Bleh. First off, Beehl had no business ‘saving’ her. From the first episode of Season 4 they have been wedging Alcide into Sookie’s life every chance they get. I thought we were supposed to see Sookie torn between the worlds of the living and the dead, with Alcide poised to show Sookie all she has been missing as she colludes with vamps. Fail. Alcide is coming off as a simp. While he is a fine piece of ass, and I truly believe there is no reason for him to ever have a shirt on, they have ruined his personality and anything they might have been able to do to create a triangle with Sookie-Eric-Alcide. So now they go and shove Beehl at her 9 episodes in? WTF? So what teh hell was teh point of having Alcide swoop her out of harm’s way at all? He didn’t offer up any way to save her, he didn’t fight for her, and then he went home to Debbie and slide between the sheets. WTF? WHY WAS HE EVEN THERE?? This season had potential. FAIL. Plots are supposed to move forwards, not backwards. The Bill-Eric-Sookie triangle was resolved. Why rehash it? SIGH.

      Lord help us if they bring in Quinn next season.


    38. Skarskvinna says:

      Great recap once again MAS, thank you.
      When light came out of Lala´s mouth I found myself thinking “What the fuck I´m watching?” All those clever, cool aspects that usually define this show were missing from this rather stupid episode. I feel like AB is trying to force us all to like Bill and the idea of him and Sookie together one way or the other.
      How on earth did the writers manage to do such a strong story (DTTW) to such a weak season?
      I really hope the ending of the season will be worth waiting for.


    39. Accol says:

      Great recap, MASpencer. I have a couple of comments.

      (1) As a mother of toddlers, I kinda sorta remember being pregnant. Good luck. Med students secretly call fetuses ‘the little parasites’ for a reason. :)
      (2) I want MORE Vampire politics on TB. I find it fascinating, although you are probably right that the presentation thus far has been lacking. I do love Nan, and the Nevada business in SVM has been one of my favorite parts of the books. So much to mine there if TB wants to go down that rabbithole. It would give us such a great insight into what Eric’s job as Sheriff really means, etc. And TB Sookie is going to need to know about that just like SVM Sookie did.
      (3) It has been clear for about 9 episodes now that Lala was going to be key in Antonia’s downfall. From his natural witch thing, to his uncomfortableness with Marnie’s bird trick, to his “special” relationship with Pam and Eric, to Nan and Bill’s assertion that no Vampire can hurt a human right now. Lala is going to participate in Antonia’s end, I’m sure of it. I just wish that they didn’t feel the need to have all of this fluff to get us from point A to point B.

      I’d close by asking where the heck are the Fae and why were we subjected to Portia Bellefleur?


      • Accol says:

        Also…. oh, jeez, are they going to make Rene’s spirit possess Lala’s body? That might explain why Arlene saw that all go down.


    40. Freyja says:

      Your recap is x100000000 much better than this episode! Like Laffy said: How am I suppose to deal with this fuckedupness???? OMFG

      Ratrays you say? Don’t accuse Beel of such travesty! He wasn’t in love with Sookeh when he stood by and let her be beaten to the inch of her life!

      Eric: “What about you letting two psychos beat her within an inch of her life so you could feed her your blood the night you met? Think she’ll forgive you for that?”
      Of course she has Eric, don’t be stupid! Don’t underestimate Sookeh’s luhrv for Beehl!

      Such promise this season beheld *sigh* I don’t like all this ‘love’ talk to either Bill or Eric. Bill should be abjured in Sookie’s mind now and her relation with Eric hasn’t evolved enough to call it love!! I liked how it was in DTTW, they admitted to having feelings for each other, that is all.

      And why oh why didn’t they have Sookie and Pam work together to find Eric??? Has the maker/child relationship been forgotten in all the plot holes or should I say black holes of this season?

      There’s only a miracle that will keep me watching next season. Hopefully next 3 episodes will make this miracle come true (I doubt it though).


      • znb says:

        lmao freyja!
        “Eric: “What about you letting two psychos beat her within an inch of her life so you could feed her your blood the night you met? Think she’ll forgive you for that?”
        Of course she has Eric, don’t be stupid! Don’t underestimate Sookeh’s luhrv for Beehl!”
        see thats erics problem,and to a certain extent ours,we constantly EXPECT more form sookie even though AB keeps trying to tell us we really shouldnt……sigh..poor us and poor eric.


      • Isis says:

        Hahaha, well, but of course she forgives… and swallows!

        And yes it´s been really bugging me that they didn´t let Pam and Sookie work together to find Eric. Why on earth isn´t Pam trying to find him, is she supposed to have forgotten her lipstick at the office or something?


        • IATM says:

          in the books Sookie swallows the GP. goodness & Blood.. i mean what is a dead mans sperm?? on TB it is blood since they cry blood. ( I MEAN am i really the only person that is questioning what Sookie is nursing & swallowing in DITF/book 10)?? or in DTTW since AE & Sookie went down ..

          i mean geesh Sookie has been on “V” regardless if she is ingesting Blood from the Viking or Billy in the earlier books.. Sookie went down on Billy in DUD as well..

          so we all know that Sookie sucks cock.. geesh, that isnt even a Big deal.. where it becomes a Big deal is Eric’s personality after he was cursed IMO… i mean seroiously, Eric could end up looking like a homeless child searching for some scraps of Sookie..

          & this is the issue i had in the books related to E/S even in DAG because Sookie forgave Billy for his transgresions & it was a WTF momemnt to me at that point.. regradless how sweet & nice Sookie is suppose to pretend to be…

          Billy is so fucking retarded to me & a WTF TYPE OF DUDE.. yet book Sookie forgave him because she is suppose to appear as angelic.. IDK, but DAG had me creeping for air … Sookie is so ridiculous to me..


          • SVB says:

            I don’t think Sookie’s forgiveness of Bill in DAG had anything to do with Bill’s deserving of that forgiveness – she did it for herself, because holding on to that pain wasn’t worth it to her anymore. And that’s actually pretty healthy.

            It was a huge moment for her and letting go of past hurts is absolutely essential if you’re going to move forward in your life and have better relationships. This act was part of the process of her being able to even HAVE a relationship with Eric, IMO.

            BTW, I emailed you yesterday but it bounced! If you’re still stuck can you email me through the contact tab up the top? :)


            • Isis says:

              ITA agree with you SVB.
              There´s a big difference between Book Sookie and TB Sookie IMO.


          • gee says:

            I don’t think that in the books it’s blood, my reason being that if it had been Bill wouldn’t have needed to do what he did after they were together the first time. That’s the thing that struck me when I wondered about it (as you do)


    41. MollyS says:

      Thank you, MAS, for articulating my every snarky thought about this fucked up episode. Can’t stand the Laf/Mavis story line, and I totally thought of “Ghost” too when that stupid glowy light appeared with Mavis emerging from Laf. The only purpose for that story line I can see (other than showing Laf and Jesus’ powers) was to make Arlene appreciate Mikey and quit being crazy about how he is possessed with Rene’s spirit. Now that it’s resolved perhaps some of these people can actually go back to work at Merlotte’s. Seriously…who’s running the place these days with all the characters off camping, being held hostage in crazy witch stores, helping bespelled vampires, or dealing with babies kidnapped by ghosts?

      Whoever made that B/E 3-way gif is an absolutely frickin’ genius! And may I commend you on your profusion of gifs in this week’s recap. (A couple of them held my interest for quite some time!) Congrats on the baby, too! :)


    42. TB FAN says:

      I must be in the minority but I really did enjoy this weeks episode. Was it the best of the season no but I did quiet enjoy it. I guess when I watch True Blood I just go with it and just leave all since of reality out the window. It is a supernatural show why over analysis it. This show does get people talking.


      • hime says:

        I’m with you, TB fan. I laughed a lot during this episode and that is enough for me, given the fact that my expectations lowered enormously after last episode.


    43. KB says:

      Excellent recap, MAS. Again. As usual. Thank you.

      So, as long as we’re blaming the writers here, can I add one more gripe to the pile?

      Alcide. What a waste of a perfectly good character. And WHAT A WASTE of a perfectly hot actor. I mean, right? They’ve taken this guy with so much potential and reduced him to…whatever it is that he is now. A defacto orderly? Dumb.

      Sookie’s sex dream was dumb, too. I kept yelling at the TV: YOU HAVE ERIC NORTHMAN IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, AND YOU WANT TO *TALK*?!? TO *BILL*?!?


      • KB says:

        Sorry. I got myself worked up at the thought of Eric in my living room and submitted the comment before I was done. D’oh!

        I like Luna. And I like Luna and Sam together, even if they’re a little schmaltzy. But I did not like how the Luna/Sam sex scene was intermingled with Tommy getting the shit beat out of him. I know TB has a history of mixing sex and violence, but this one grossed me out in a way the other scenes haven’t. Anyone else feel that way?

        I also like Jesus, and despite the Ghost Whisperering of the whole Mavis storyline, I hope that somehow Jesus/Lafayette’s storyline will intersect with Martonia in a way that makes sense and brings some damn closure to the season.

        Seriously – I understand that TB can’t focus solely on Sookie, but can we at least have a LITTLE overlap, just to tie things together?

        That is all.


    44. znb says:

      ok the best things about the last two episodes…that threeway gif! *laughing so hard my stomach hurts*,ur recaps,alex’s ass,and that the beloved sheriff made an appearance in sookies blood induced nightmare.
      i agree with EVERYTHING u said,i know people say the whole mavis thing made them weepy n stuff…but really…it was ok…i was just glad to have lala back.
      and i’ve really had enough of them trying to convince us alcide will ever be a viable option for sookie since…gee…SHE CAN READ HIS FREAKING MIND PERFECTLY!!! which is what the problem was with her dating regular guys!! does AB think we’ll forget that if alcide takes his clothes off enough?!?! apparently so since he thinkgs eric taking his clothes off is enough to actually believe the bulshit he’s throwing our way.
      the holy trinity of writers is up,and if they cant save this show for me nothing can. i can not fucking believe i’ve had to sit through a season where sookie didnt stop to process the rattray reveal,and bill blaming ERIC for the files and info he kept on her,i have more respect for ARLENE thn i do for sookie,at least arlenes consistent,calls it as she sees it,and loves her baby even though she thought it was a demon baby. ugh.


      • A-Pos says:

        I agree with you on Arlene. I like her much better this season. Most Moms love their little ones; even when they are positive they are raising the Anti-Christ.


    45. Toni says:

      Am I the only one who noticed that Jessica had her arms over her chest like Debbie did last episode? MACSpencer mentioned in the last recap about Debbie and Alcide not showing any skin. I just find this weird. Is Sookie the only one showing her boobies then? (Minus Sam’s current love interest). I just thought it was weird and thought I would mention it.


      • VikingFever says:


        I thought the same thing when the Jason/Jessica scene came on. It was just so unnatural looking for her to cover the girls like that in the middle of sex. It looked like it was solely done so that DAW wouldn’t have to show her breasts. Does anyone know how old DAW is in real life?


      • gee says:

        It was just totally jarring her covering up that way, they could have just let her keep her top on or a bra.


        • Millarca says:

          That’s right! If you’re having sex in the back of a pickup truck you’re less likely to strip completely anyway.


      • VampirePamsGirl says:

        The dress actually bothered me more. The way it was used to cover up “Little Jason” down there just annoyed me (and no not just because I wouldn’t mind taking a peek at Little Jason). I rewound the scene a couple of times because I was wondering why the fuck Jason was wearing boxers and then I realized it was just her dress. It was a sex scene fail for me. I kinda cringed while watching it and I’m not totally sure why since I like Jason and I like Jessica and despite my initial love of Hamberry I don’t mind them together.


    46. VikingFever says:

      Congratulations on the baby MAS! You are just about to head into the really good part of pregnancy!

      “I’m just waiting for Jessica to chime in with a timely WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT.” This is always the line my friends and I use when shit hits the fan. Awesome!

      That 3 way GIF nearly made me wet myself! I can’t take my eyes off of it. Bill’s expression just fits so…perfectly.

      So, while the Mavis storyline and ending was extremely cheesy to me, I think it was the writers’ way of hammering home not just Lafayette’s abilities, but also Jesus’. We now have proof that Jesus can exorcise a spirit out of someone’s body. Hmmm…foreshadowing much?! I’m thinking this was just a cheesy way to brace us for Jesus eventually trying to purge Antonia’s spirit out of Marnie. All I know is, it better not be half as cheesy as the Mavis version or I might have to seriously think about watching this show where no one else can see or hear me.


    47. Northwoman says:

      Kudos on another highly entertaining recap, MAS. And congrats on the bun in the oven. I’m guessing you’re not going to name him Allan. Or Bill. :)

      I agree that the threesome dream was so lame, and it’s almost a shame that TB had huge ratings last Sunday, presumably because of all the dream hype. Does an episode go by where Bill DOESN’T remind everyone within a 10 mile radius that he is, in fact, King o’ Loooosiana?

      I’m tuning in next Sunday to see BAMF Eric, and by all the gods in the sea, he had BETTER show up. I’m counting on Nancy Oliver to get this train back on track.


    48. Amanda says:

      This episode was THE WORST EVER. It took me until today to even get through the entire episode. It was just that bad. I give credit where credit is due, Alan Ball obviously has a very creative mind. But I also place blame when blame is due and Alan Ball obviously doesn’t like Eric or Pam. This should have been their season but instead we get these dumbass side stories that absolutley suck and get more Bill. Clearly Sookie and Bill are going to be shoved down our throats until Alan exits stage left.


    49. cinders23 says:

      1. That 3-way gif is Andy Samberg & Justin Timberlake from Saturday Night Live. Love it!
      2. The Lafayette/ Mavis scene. MAS, after you deliver I would like you to watch this scene again. As a mom of 4 I found myself bawling my eyes out over that scene. You just have to go with it, as someone said. And as a mom, it broke my heart (what it had to do with TB I’m not sure. I wondered if the baby-daddy was a Bellefleur. Whoever he was he was a murderer, is it relevant to Bon Temps now?)
      3. When Debbie is distracting Antonia at the door she says, “Sookie Stackhouse” giving it up that Sookie was in the MoonGoddess. Did Debbie do this to get back at Sookie & show her true colors or was it planned that way? She did give Sookie a ride, albeit very s-l-o-w-l-y, to the Tolerance meeting. Yup, we’re going to see more of Debbie!

      Love your recaps!!! And best wishes for an easy delivery :)


    50. swedishfish says:

      Congratulations MAS on all the creating going on at your place. Hilarious, and I loved THE BIGGER BOAT comment.

      Some thoughts I had about the episode:
      Mavis story; to show how Laffy and Jesus could get Marnie back (would the writers to make Jesus die while saving everyone from Antonia? My family hopes not).

      Debbie: she did TRY to give up Sookie to Antonia in the magic store, but failed because of Terra’s switch back to not being a vigilante (having Bill save her from Pam may be weak plotting, but it might help some people change their minds, plus, the more she’s around Antonia the more she sees how batshit crazy her vengeance is)

      Threeway: I already wrote something above about Bill being there, and Sookie seemed to know it was because she had just gotten Bill’s blood again. It felt to me when I saw it (no repeated viewing of this episode yet, which is a sign) that she knew Bill was sitting on the side because he had given her blood. Maybe it was to show that authentic feelings for a vampire (Eric) who shares blood with you is different from one who’s giving you blood to save you (Bill, who wasn’t invited in but came in anyway). As Eric said last season to Sookie in a dream (and I don’t know if this is correct): it’s not my blood talking, you know you can’t trust Bill.


      • swedishfish says:

        I meant to say “I don’t know if this is a correct quotation” about Eric telling Sookie she knows she can’t trust Bill.


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