This one goes straight to the Gracious Plenty Hall of Fame

May 7, 2010 in Dead in the Family - Book 10, Sex in Sookieverse, Southern Vampire Mysteries

Way back when, we had Sookie’s “quivering puppies waiting to be petted”.

Then, we had Eric as “deep inside as he could get without an operation”.

And now…NOW…we have this. Sookie’s latest hilarious attempt at worshipping the GP, which I hereby induct into Sookieverse canon as the most cringeworthy line in Book 10.

Are you ready? Here it comes.

“That looks painful. Do you want me to NURSE IT?”

FUCKING WHAT?

Sookie, my love. The Gracious Plenty is not a fucking disease. You don’t nurse it. You GET ON THAT pronto. Stop asking stupid questions.

Three years of hot vampire sex, and you still sound like a virgin on prom night.

Oh, Charlaine.

Ten books down, and your sex scenes are still like bad 70′s porn – I hear the music, I know what’s coming….and I still can’t tear myself away.

But I still love you. Both of you.

.
.
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And now I go back to trying to cut my review of DITF down to a length you guys can read without taking a day off work.

Sorry, I needed a distraction.

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This one goes straight to the Gracious Plenty Hall of Fame

57 Comments

    1. BohemianJ says:

      I’d take a day off to read your blog any time! Length is always good – posts or Eric wise.

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    2. Melissa C. says:

      Priceless!!!!

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    3. VikingLover says:

      LOL Hurry up Lady! I’m dying to read it! :)

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    4. Bobsgran says:

      While we wait, we can watch the clip and daydream…aahhhh.

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      • OrientalThorn says:

        [While we wait, we can watch the clip and daydream…aahhhh.]
        LMAO!! Sad… but SO true!

        Yes! Post away!! :) I’ll be done with the book today… finally!

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    5. nskars says:

      Dude I’m on holidays; length doesn’t bother me at all… (figured I’d throw in the pun while we were on the subject of Mr Happy – I bet you missed me.)

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    6. Skarlove says:

      Hilarious……your “virgin on prom night” quip just made me spit out my water. I can’t wait to read your review, and I look forward to beginning my DITF re-read this weekend!

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    7. Ericrocks says:

      OMG! That clip is killing me. I just sit watch it over…..too funny.

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    8. KPMRSE says:

      Opps! Coffee on the keyboard. The clip is absolutely perfect! Looking foward to your review.

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    9. sunnynala says:

      OMG! LOL.

      I guess it’s all of a piece with her characters’sense of fashion. :D

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    10. kelly says:

      i aren’t sure if its cos i’m so innocent *blush* but when i was reading that i didn’t really know what she was talking about to begin with.
      the sex was weak in this book, i’m hoping its just cos CH is showing that there is more to eric than just sex. otherwise, maybe we should take CH to see a strip show like claude’s? give her some real inspiration. i guess CH is just a sweet lady from the south and far too prim and proper to get really dirty like some of the fanfic does.

      any ideas as to when the novella will show up?

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      • sunnynala says:

        LOL, prim and proper Southern ladies are the down and dirtiest of them all and I know whereof I speak. It’s just that we don’t like to air our pantaloons in public. :D

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      • S. says:

        I found the sex weak too. But I think that it’s just to show that E/S are about more than just sex though… At least that’s how I saw it… But I was still hoping for hotter Viking action though…

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    11. S. says:

      SVM, you should think about a post dedicated to the funniest/best sex lines! That would have the potential to be very, very hillarious!

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      • S. says:

        Sorry, meant to write SVB not SVM… I really need to put my book down for more than 5 minutes and take a few deep breaths or something… lol!

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    12. There was sex in this book? I must have missed it.

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    13. kelly says:

      i had a huge sigh of relief when she finally had her orgasm. i was starting to worry she might be drifting away from Mr tall and blond, but no, everything seems to be fine.
      hope she loses the blood bond, misses it and volunteers to re-make it.

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      • Robin says:

        Me too, Kelly. I think it is necessary for them to lose the BB, so that Eric can focus more on retaining his position and protecting his interests. It seems to be a distraction for him right now. And, yes, I was so glad too when she had her first orgasm! That was a fun moment for them both!

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      • KittyKat says:

        Also that she volunteers to marry him, at one of his weakest/lowest points (his state of mind in the bar) he seems frustrated by her belittling of the marriage, as he put it, it does seem like the real thing to him. He’s STILL putting himself a lot more into the relationship than she is IMO. I guess this crap gets settled soon.

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    14. Barbara E says:

      Oh My God! LOL This post is classic!

      If Sookie can’t do the job right … move on over … *wink*

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      • kelly says:

        damn straight. i think there would be a queue of hopefuls length of Louisiana if eric were real. I’d certainly be in it, wielding my sword to try to hack my way to the front. :D

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    15. Suzanna says:

      This is why I just skip the sex scenes. I’m like, “Oh, she’s going down on Eric.” *skip*

      By the way, I wonder what Pam was doing while they were doing it in the living room??

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      • KPMRSE says:

        She left out the back door to do who knows what. I reread that part immediately because on first glance I thought she was hanging out in the kitchen.

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      • Florence99 says:

        Trying to count how may shoes she’s got left!!

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    16. lala says:

      I recently re-read Sookie’s description of Eric – tall, long blond hair, jeans, boots, and a vest – that’s it – and I had forgotten how awesome it was.

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      • KittyKat says:

        It’s kind of funny, actually. While not taking away from AS as Eric, Kristin Bauer’s husband actually has a lot more of the Book!Eric look (the “long hair but masculine” look).

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        • kelly says:

          yea he does, sadly IMO he’s not that hot. not to me anyway. he kinda reminds me of the guy in the painting in the ghost busters movie. that sounds a bit weird…..

          i just wish AS had long hair, i would be that man’s servant girl. My hubby wouldn’t stand a chance…. (checks to make sure he’s not looking)

          i’m going now….. to swoon lots……

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        • Eva says:

          I agree with you. Kirsen’s husband fits the description better.
          Alex is good looking, but a lot of his features aren’t very masculine – let alone vicious viking-like.
          His eyes are too big, and the weird bag things he has under his eyes don’t work. As a viking he whould have been squinting into the sun with the wind blowing on him. He should look rough, but instead he looks delicate. His lips are too full. His mouth is too close to his chin, like a child’s or a woman’s.
          His neck is too long and his head is too small.
          He’s a very good actor to get us thinking he is manly and a viking.

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          • kelly says:

            *gasps in shock and horror*
            you what?

            [lips are too full]…. naw…. no such thing ;)

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            • Eva says:

              Full lips are not rugged, IMO. He’s supposed to be a viking made into a vamp. Thin lips with lines around them. Alex is a good-looking city boy and it shows. But like I said, he’s a good actor, so we don’t dwell on it.

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            • Dee says:

              I don’t know, i dont really think he has full lips. At least to me he doesn’t, nice but not really full.

              regarding the nursing, it can be seen as playing doctor like already mentioned. Or even if you think of a baby nursing, well can be looked at the same way. I mean you’re still trying to get the white liquid out rigtht? LOL sorry probably a better way I could’ve phrased it

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            • kelly says:

              laughed so hard at:
              [I mean you’re still trying to get the white liquid out right?]
              i lost my tea, and got a funny look from my hubby…
              absolutely fabulous….

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            • Dee says:

              LOL I didn’t know how else to phrase it but glad I amused you hahaha

              OK BIG NEWS, at least I think. But here is some info about Season 3. Read the part about Bill, does Bill become a traitor? I wanna hear what others think it might or if I am over thinking it lol oh and jason wants to become a cop? hmmm interesting

              Episode #27: “It Hurts Me Too,” airing June 27, 2010:
              In search of Bill, Sookie heads to Jackson, Mississippi in the company of Alcide, a werewolf bodyguard assigned by Eric to protect her. Jason is distracted from his police exams; Bud reaches the end of his rope; Arlene copes with unexpected news; Franklin charms Tara, and gets Jessica out of a jam; Eric bequeaths a gift to Lafayette. Haunted by visions from his past, Bill makes a surprising pledge of allegiance.
              Written by Alexander Woo, directed by Michael Lehmann.

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            • Dee says:

              Ooo and what does Eric give to Lafayette. Many Eric fans didn’t like that he captured Lafayette, while we understand why he did it well didn’t look good in sookie’s eyes. But is this TB’s ways of reversing roles now. Eric makes up for the capturing by doing something good for Lafayette. He also protects Sookie this season, searches for Bill and helps with his rescue and we will also see the human side of him when he remembers his real family and possibly avenges his dad(just a theory) And Bill fans thought AB will always keep Erics character as evil, this is great.

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    17. Eva says:

      Where I live nursing is what babies do – at their mama’s teets. Sookie asking if he wants her to nurse it takes a different meaning.

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      • KittyKat says:

        Well, here I think it’s the “play doctor” meaning though, lol. Somehow, despite the obvious work involved, I didn’t read it like that. More like “oooh, poor thing, so swollen, want me to make it better?”, that kind of thing. Still cheesy though.

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      • OMFG that is even WORSE!

        NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *runs away*

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    18. teamEric says:

      i could watch that video all.day.long! but my husband is getting pouty about it… it could have something to do with me admitting that i’d risk our marriage for 5 minutes alone with ASkars… but hey, honesty is the key to a good relationship, right?

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    19. jsins says:

      I’m trying to consider it to be part of Sookie growing up. She’s becoming a bit more sexually assertive but still naively fumbling through. Eric deserves a medal for patience in putting up with Sookie’s crap and, if he isn’t the HEA, Charlene Harris has given him cruel and unusual punishment throughout the course of the books.

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    20. Lena says:

      Oh, Sookie. Sookie, Sookie, Sookie.

      The ONLY proper response when faced with Hard-on!Viking:

      “Hot dayum!” followed by rapid nudity. Panty ripping sometimes optional.

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    21. VampirePamsGirl says:

      SVB, I friggin’ love you. :D

      I’m also definitely looking forward to your review. Longer definitely doesn’t bother me either! I was wondering how you were going to work it though, not just the length of the review but the amount of responses I’m sure it will have too. I was wondering if you’d thought about breaking the review down into parts (like part 1 of the book, part 2, etc. etc. or broke down by subject matter, Sookie’s growth, Eric, vampire politics, etc. etc.) and having different posts for each one cause I’d hate to miss any of your wonderful insight due to editing stuff out for length control.

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    22. Willowbella says:

      This clip is hilarious…and yet hot! I like how your mind works. ;) The sex scenes in the books have always been clunky. “He was as deep inside as he could get without an operation “ was the absolute worst. Cringeworthy! I don’t even mind that the sex was off page for the most part in DitF. What I can come up with in my own mind is soooo much better!

      Looking forward to the review BTW.

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    23. chantal7399 says:

      yeah, that nurse it line was absolutely dreadful

      i also hate that she uses the word ‘nub’

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    24. Cara_Dawn says:

      Sex with the Viking and I believe the only adjective used was “great.” Just like that. “It was great.” Ummmm … fill in the blanks. I’m not reading this book to find out how ticks get attracted to human skin.

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